Only Kind Of
by mongeese
Summary: Lily Evans first reconsiders, only reconsiders, her opinion of James Potter when she sees him from the window of the heads compartment talking way too seriously to a tall woman with graying auburn hair.


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A/N: Took a long break from writing. But here I am again!

Disclaimer: Tis not mine.

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**Only Kind Of  
**

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Lily Evans first reconsiders, _only_ reconsiders, her opinion of James Potter when she sees him from the window of the Head's compartment talking way too seriously to a tall woman with graying auburn hair. Lily realizes this woman must be his mother. James Potter reaches for his mother's hands, and he brushes his thumb over the wrinkled skin while looking down guiltily at his feet.

James's mother, who, looks far older than both Lily's parents, and in her youth must have been quite beautiful, takes her hand out of her son's and lifts up his face so that hazel meets hazel and smiles reassuringly at him. Lily is able to read her lips say, _I'll be fine_, and then is surprised when James Potter pulls his face from his mother's hands and turns around quickly so that his back is facing his mother. He takes off his glasses, and covers his eyes with his other hand for a minute or two. Lily suspects he's crying.

Lily's eyes turn back to his mother, who has a stern look on her face now. She says some words to her son, and James Potter quickly rubs his eyes and puts on his glasses. With a fake, and way too cheery grin, he turns back to his mother and says something. Probably a lie to cover the face that was crying. He knows it's a lie, and his mother knows it's a lie, but they both laugh anyways at his false excuse and she walks forward to hug her son.

James Potter hugs her back tighter, and continues to hold on even when she tries to pull away. Lily sees the all-too-familiar smile on his face, as he hugs his mother so tightly that all dignity is stripped from her as she flails her arms to get her son to loosen his grip. In the end, she hits him on the shoulder a couple times and he pulls away, the smile still on his face. Despite her dislike for James Potter, she can't help but smile at the exchange between mother and son.

His mother says a couple of things to her son, and he just nods to show he's listening. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a large pouch, apparently full of money, which James Potter sees, then sighs with aggravation. He refuses to take the pouch from his mother who is aggressively trying to stuff it in his robe pockets, and in the end, she puts it back into her robes and brings out a slightly smaller pouch. In exasperation, James Potter agrees, and stuffs the smaller pouch in his pockets. He spreads his arms open wide as if asking whether she's satisfied, and his mother answers with a smile. She motions towards the train, and James Potter nods. He leans down about a foot to plant a tender kiss on his mother's cheek and whispers something in her ear to which she nods and replies with a kiss of her own.

Lily can read her say, _be careful_, as he heads closer to the steps of the train. He stops when she calls his name and points to a spot on the right side of her chest. James Potter looks down and fiddles with a badge, which looks identical to the one that Lily is wearing on the right side of her own robes. Lily lets out a gasp, surely Dumbledore hasn't appointed James Potter to be Head Boy. No, she reassures herself, there's no way. She looks out the window, once self assured, to watch mother and son once again. James Potter has taken a couple steps back and is looking back and forth between train cars. His eyes stop on the in Head's Compartment, which Lily is in, and glances up at the window for a brief second. Lily quickly turns her head away, turning scarlet at being caught staring.

She doesn't dare look out the window again until the train is slowly starting to move ten minutes later. Lily busies herself by reading the guidelines to being Head Girl when she's interrupted by the sound of the compartment door being slid open. In walks James Potter, Head Boy badge pinned on the right side of his black robes. All seriousness from the station is gone, and with his usual swagger, James Potter sits down opposite Lily and fiddles with the gold in his pocket Lily saw his mother give him.

"All right, Evans?" James asks, his greeting to her.

"Bugger off, Potter." Lily says, her greeting to him .

Lily rolls her eyes and looks back down at the manual, but she doesn't miss the absence of his usual smirk and lack of remark.

Silence ensues after the short conversation, and during the whole train ride, not another word is spoken between the two of them. Lily almost wishes Potter would be his obnoxious self, and on several occasions, finds herself opening her mouth to speak, but when she sees his closed eyes surrounded by dark bags, thin face thinner and head bent back on the wall tiredly, Lily shuts her mouth and tries to focus on the guidelines.

The train finally arrives at Hogwarts and James surprises Lily by opening the door for her with no snide remark. She steps off the Hogwarts Express and quickly yells instructions. _First years over by the boats! Second year and up, take the carriages, you know the drill. If you have any questions, ask me or James Potter over there!_ Lily looks around to see why James isn't saying anything when she sees him staring transfixed at the carriages. At closer look, she sees him staring past the carriages and at the large thestrals pulling them towards the castle.

Somehow, Lily realizes the reason for the absence of the elder Potter, who, in previous years, had been present at the station clapping a hand on his son's back while he held his wife close to his side. And for the first time, she feels for James Potter.

He's still staring when Lily walks up quietly besides him.

"They're gorgeous, aren't they?" She says, startling him only a bit, "…a bit foreboding, though."

"Gorgeous? I don't even know what they are."

"They're thestrals."

"Oh." He replies quietly. "…are…we the only ones who can see them?"

Lily shakes her head.

"I can't remember ever seeing…" He breaks off, still unable to take his eyes off the reptilian horses.

"If you've witnessed or accepted a-," Lily sneaks a peek at him, "-a death is the only way to see them."

James is silent. "Oh." They're silent for a couple minutes before he opens his mouth to speak again. "You can see them too?"

"Since sixth year." Lily replies, and she sneaks a glance at him. Her words seem to have some effect on him, and the two head towards the last carriage, still as silent as ever, but somewhat comfortably so.

They get in, still no words spoken, and take seats opposite each other.

The _second_ time Lily Evans reconsiders, _only_ reconsiders, her opinion of James Potter is when, out of the corner of her eye, she catches him attempting to secretly wipe away two tears that have escaped from his eyes. She can't help but smile a tiny smile, at him trying to save face. He is such a boy, despite his size. James Potter notices and scowls, cheeks reddening.

"I'm not crying."

"Of course you're not."

"I'm _not_."

"Okay."

James Potter's scowl deepens, but suddenly, he smiles a smile one third charming, one third Marauder, one sixth arrogant and one sixth goonish.

"I am merely allergic to beauty." He fakes a terribly fake sneeze. "And your beauty, achoo, is unlike any other." He pauses, then. "Achoo."

It's Lily Evans' turn to scowl, and she reconsiders her reconsideration of James Potter.

But only kind of.


End file.
